Micromental Changes in 30 Days

I was thinking today about the changes I have made over the last month and while my weight loss is not insignificant compared to average people it is only a tiny percentage of the overall weight I have to lose. 

Numbers are funny things, probably no other semantic tool is more widely used to lie and mislead than simple numbers. Twain said, "There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics." He was probably thinking of intentional misdirection, but I think numbers can often lead to unintentional misdirection too.

For example, if a person weighing 200 lbs says that they have lost 33 lbs. in 30 days most people would think that they had been wildly successful and yet I found myself mostly feeling like a failure (again) over most of the month. My actual trend line isn't very smooth, my weight has been up and down on almost a daily basis (even weekly) and yet, overall it's down... even dare I say it, WAY DOWN. 

Consider the following statements:
Thirty-three lbs. is barely 6% of my overall weight
Thirty-three lbs. is actually almost exactly 10% of the weight I want to lose.
Thirty three lbs! That's AWESOME way to go man, you're killing it!!!

All true, yet very different stories

One issue that I have had to deal with is water retention, I mean, the human body simply cannot gain 12 real pounds of fat in a single day (that's the spike in the middle). The physics and physiology don't work. Intellectually I understand this, but seeing that number jump on the scale sinks my heart an equivalent distance.

One way I have chosen to deal with this is by focusing on a different number. I was watching a show from the UK called Super Size vs. Super Skinny (I don't really recommend it unless you like over and under weight nudity). They pair an overweight person with an underweight person and have them live together for a week and swap meals. Then they send them home for a bit and bring them on for a recap. Well my one takeaway was the British style of tracking weight. They track weight using stone and pounds e.g. 15 St. 4 lbs. which is 214 lbs.

I read (I think Tim Ferris in the Four Hour Body) a suggestion that you should never try to lose more than 20 lbs at a time. The idea being that any larger number is too large and thereby making it difficult to maintain mental focus. So, lose 20 lbs. then decide affirmatively that this represents your new weight and jealously maintain it. Then when you feel ready to continue make another 20 lb. goal.

Well, I don't think I ever really committed to that idea even though I "tried" it. I found that I could never easily keep track of where my last 20 lb start weight had been and besides, I was never planning on stopping at 20 lbs and didn't consider it a monumental milestone.

For the last week I have adjusted my thinking. I express my weight in the British style and my weight loss in straight pounds. So I have lost 33 pounds but my weight is down from 37 st. 7 lbs. to 35 st. 3 lbs. and this week I expect to cross over to 34 st. x lbs. 

That's it, the next month will be about focusing on micromental, not monumental changes. I suppose you could say this is another sort of lie, but if it's the one that keep me motivated, I don't give a damn about that.

Death Comes in Threes, But Not If I Can Help It!

It has been six months since my last post. Geoff and I had embarked on a mutual weight loss goal and we mutually agreed to not talk about it after stopped losing weight. Geoff was dealing with a lot of depression, more than I knew. I was too, but we had very different outlooks on our lives as evidenced by each of our last blog posts.

If you are reading this, then you probably know about Geoff's tragic departure from this world just two months later. Geoff's death sent me into a tailspin. We dropped everything and drove to Arizona to help plan the funeral. Many friends came together and mourned over the terrible loss of one of the world's brightest lights. If you knew Geoff, than you know what I am talking about.

I spent the weeks after the funeral pondering an idea, that one way to pay tribute to Geoff was by completing the journey we began. I fear this is beginning to sound maudlin; not my intent. I recognize that the kind of obesity that he, and I dealt with is debilitating emotionally as well as physically. There but for the grace of God go I.

Then just a couple of weeks ago my Dad passed away from obesity related causes. It isn't what the death certificate say, but congestive heart failure, diabetes, high blood pressure, edema is all part of Metabolic Syndrome. He had lost quite a bit of weight a few years ago (about eighty pounds) and kept most of that off, but he still weighed nearly 300 pounds at his passing.

I fear the future if I can't beat this and so I begin again. I am eating low carb as from experience even when I plateau, I experience less water retention and therefore less joint pain when I eat low carb. In addition I am trying something called intermittent fasting. I think the combination will be more effective then low carb alone.

So what is intermittent fasting? Well there are several variants but I am doing something called the 4/3 plan which is 4 days of regular (in this case low carb) eating and 3 days of "fasting". I put the fasting in quotes because you are allowed 600 calories (as a man, it's 500 for women) on your fast days. Regular days are just that, you eat what you crave. So far I have not seen an increase in eating on my regular or "feed" days, and I have adjusted well to the fast days also.

If you do the math you can see that if you typically eat 2500 calories per day (average for an adult male), then that is 17,500 calories per week. Following the 4/3 plan you eat 11800 per week or an average of 1700 calories per day which is basically a not atypical calorie count for a dieting adult male. Even if you average 3000 calories per day that is still only 13800 calories per week or a bit less than 2000 calories per day (the typically recommended amount of calories for a dieting adult male).

I typically eat 50 calories or so of a very high protein food every hour or so on my fast days, but sometimes I save up a few for dinner; like tonight. One of my favorite meals is grilled cheese with tomato soup, but as I said, I have been trying to cut carbs. Tonight I cooked 1/2 lb. of cauliflower (60 calories) till tender, tossed it to coat with 2 tsp of mayo (60 calories) added 1 oz of cheddar cheese (110 calories) and then cooked under the broiler until the cheese started to get bubbly and had it with a cup of tomato soup (110 calories). Surprisingly effective swap and it's comfort food so it's pretty satisfying. I saved almost 200 calories from the bread and cut out 1/2 the carbs.

That plus 3 oz. of Jack links jerky throughout the day rounds out my 600 calories and I am feeling pretty good. I look forward to fast days in one way, I feel GREAT the day after a fast day. Much higher energy and less physical pain/discomfort. One of the reasons I decided to try this is because of how good I feel after "Fast Sunday".

For those of you who aren't LDS fast sunday is one day each month where you fast for 24 hours typically skipping breakfast and lunch and then donating the money you would have spent as a "fast offering" that money goes to a fund in each ward which is used to help members in financial need. I am the financial clerk in our ward so I see the donations that come in and it surprised me to learn that several non-lds families in our area also do the fast. It is a very uplifting activity.

I am not afraid to change things if I get stuck or get bored. I plan to be free with switching it up, anything to keep the momentum.

Geoff, Dad, I love you with all my heart and I will miss you both, but I am going to do my bvest to keep our separation as long as I can extend it.  If you have any connections up there (yes I said "up there") feel free to lend a brother a hand.

Life Is Indeed Beautiful!

Geoff's post last evening was a reminder to me of how challenging life can become. Of course we all have ups and downs but there are stretches that give us painful insight into the trials of Job.

I have had several stressful weeks in a row, which does not make this effort (weight loss) any easier. My weight loss has already stalled despite my best efforts. On paper, I should be losing weight, but I am not and that is disheartening.

Today I got to have some time alone with my incredibly sweet daughter. Unbeknownst to me my lovely bride had recently taught her to sing, "We Are a Happy Family."

She sang it to me, then I tried to sing with her. I was pretty sure she was singing the wrong words, but I couldn't recall the right ones. We agreed Mommy would teach us both when we picked her up. When we did, Mommy gave us the following:

I love Daddy, he loves me,
He loves mommy yessiree!
She loves us and so you see.
We are a happy family.

I started singing variations on the song:

I love Sally, she loves me.
She loves Mommy yessiree!
She loves us and so you see.
We are a happy family.

Eventually this devolved to:

I love Sally, yes I do.
I love her even when she smells like poo.
She loves me and mommy too.
We are a happy family!

The silliness continued with Sally laughing and shouting out, "Sally loves Daddy, Sally loves Daddy!" Which is what she wanted me to sing. I was laughing, Sally was giggling and Mommy had a big broad smile on her sweet face. I have to tell you, I didn't feel sorry for myself in those moments, not one little bit.

Happiness is not a gift granted unto us, but it is something we each have to seek and find for ourselves. It can be shared, and while it can be stolen, the theft destroys it for everyone.

I am happy, my daughter is happy, my family is happy, Life is indeed beautiful.

Life just keeps on going...

It was April 2011.
I was sitting in my Dietitians office.  
I had just weighed in at my lowest weight in years and was down 208lbs in 6 months.
(For those keeping score at home it was aprox. 7.34 lbs a week for 28 weeks or just over 1 pound a day... It doesn't seem like that much when you break it down does it?) 

*28 weeks earlier in October of 2010. I was the biggest I had ever been. As well as dependent on pain meds (Vicodin) to get through the day and just unhealthy in every way imaginable.

(Jump back to mid April 2011...) I'm sitting in my Doctors office at Red Mountain Weightloss clinic in Scottsdale.  I had just gotten the good news about my current weight.  Things are going great....

Then my phone rings.

I would not normally take a call during a Dr's appointment but it was from a family member and something that I can't explain told me to answer the phone.

On the other end of the phone was a voice I was all to familiar with. A voice I had heard my entire life and would've or could've recognized anywhere.  But this time the voice that I knew so well, was different. It was heavy, it was scared, it was not good news...

The voice told me that someone I loved. Whom I had known my entire life.  Was in trouble.  This person was not only family but one of my best friends.  They were not hurt or dying.  They were however, sick, and had been for a long time.  The problem is no one around this person, including myself, had an idea until it was too late.  

The voice on the other end of the phone told me that my loved one had been arrested.  That the charges were serious and I was asked if I could drop what I was doing and drive several hours away to help.

It was not a question of would I do it but how could I do it.  I had a job, wife, three kids and I was pretty heavily invested in my own battle to lose weight and regain my health.  My days were regimented and full...

But yet, it never really was a question.  
I had to go.

I got off the phone. Excused myself from the Doctor's office and called my wife as I began to head for the freeway, south out of town.

For all intents and purposes I never really ever returned back to that Doctors office or to all the things I had been doing that had helped me find so much incredible success in a relatively short amount of time.

This Blog is about whatever we want it to be about.  If I felt comfortable I would surly have no reservations about going in depth on how things played out for me and my loved one over the course of the next year.

But I'm not ready for that yet.
You see... This person is alive.
But I can't see him.  
I can't talk to him.
I can't Hug him. 
I can't thank him or tell him that I love him.

I can't share my life with him and I miss him everyday.

I hate knowing that there is nothing I can do to stop the fact that some day, anyday I will get a call and have to be told he has died.  Without me being able to do any of those things one last time.

But here is the harsh reality...
I was out of town for almost 3 weeks.
I was staying at someone else's home. 
Away from my food. My personal trainer. My routine. 
Blah Blah Blah...  

I gained back almost 20lbs in that 21 days.
I stopped getting up at 4:40am.
I stopped preparing my meals the day before.
I stopped making "getting healthy" my priority because I was scared, angry and hurt.

I never really got back on track when I returned home.
I have gained back over half of that 208lbs I lost 2.5 years ago.

And guess what... That didn't fix anything.
It didn't change the harsh realities of life.
It didn't bring anyone back.
It didn't stop my inevitable Divorce.
It didn't stop job layoffs...

Life is not going to stop being a constant struggle because you decide you need everything to be "calm" and "Still" while you concentrate on being healthy.

So I guess what I'm saying is... 
Life is going to be unpredictable and hard whether you are Fat or Skinny.

But then again what do I know?
I clearly do not have very many or really any of the answers...

Don't Get Stuck in a Rut OR When It Ain't Working, Try Something Different.

So I am sick of bouncing around and making no progress on my weight loss. it has been a week since I lost one additional pound and two weeks since I lost anything significant. I can't technically say I am flatlined because the line is looking like an heart monitor.

My niece Mary decided she wanted to lose 35 pounds and she has plucked away at it 1-2 pounds a week over several weeks and as of our last conversation had lost 34 pounds. Kudos, Mary; you are awesome!

I had decided from the get go to change my plan whenever i stalled for more than two weeks on whatever I was doing. The idea is to change things up without giving up and so i switch like an unfaithful husband to the latest thing to pass my gaze.

So what is Mary's plan? I believe it falls under the category of intermittent fasting; light breakfast, normal (not outrageous) lunch, late in the day and no dinner. I can see that several of you have already opened your mouths to explain that, "No Zach, you've got it all wrong! You have to eat several small meals to keep your metabolism going."

Yeah, I've heard that, but I will just refer you to this study, http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2347114/No-micro-meals-New-study-says-eating-meals-day--opposed-small-meals--yields-weight-loss.html. Coupled with longevity research involving CRON (Calorie Restriction with Optimum Nutrition) i think it i safe to say that there are no severe risks to the plan. I figure that my worst case scenario is that I stay flat/or gain weight. What I consider my primary operating principle is that I don't quit.

Everybody has lost some weight or knows somebody who lost weight using plan "X". My personal theory is that a combination of  adherence (lifestyle suitability) + commitment equals success. I struggle with commitment whenever the scale stops being interesting. Early on it's a Jackie Chan movie and a couple of weeks in I am watching The Straight Story.

If weight loss were easy we'd all be skinny right?

I feel like I am pushing a car with no tires up a hill...

Help.

Seriously... Help is what I need.  

But NOT necessarily from you, the person reading this.  

Or from the handful of friends that I got in my Divorce.  

(Mostly because they will not read my Blog, probably ever, they get enough of the analog me to ever entertain the digital version.)

You see.  

I am sort of an extremist. 

An "All or Nothing" personality type...
When I set my mind to things, I go all out and overachieve.

But when I'm not in full commitment mode...

It's like dragging an 80lbs bag of sand through waist high mud.

***Remind me sometime I will tell you about the Radio Contest my wife entered me into that lead to me losing almost 210lbs in less than a year.  That was in 2011.  It's a long story.  So sorry I'm not getting into it tonight. *** However, less than a year and half later me and that same wife separated and I began to "Stress Eat" for lack of a better term and I put almost half of it back on... Like I said it's a long story.***

Anyway, I have truly tried to apply myself to getting healthy this month... And I have.
I was able to stop drinking PEPSI.
(for the 1,258th time in my life)

As well as get myself thinking about what I was buying, preparing and putting in my body.

I have not only stopped slowly gaining weight but I have lost weight. I am sleeping better and I feel better throughout the day.

But the thought of a diet overwhelms me. The planning and preparing. The Do's and Don'ts...

There are so many other things on my mind. I just avoid eating rather than deal with it.  Which leads to going too long without food which is not only bad for your metabolism but will cause you to make bad choices with what and where you eat...

Man, I sound whiny... You wanna know why?  because it's 8pm and I haven't eaten a thing since I had a salad at "Wendy's" today for lunch.  I'm getting that slight hunger headache and everything is annoying me.

What do you do when you don't want to do what you need to do and not doing it isn't really an option but you continue to avoid doing everything that needs to be done?  

Ugh...

Help.

Rough Week

So my weight loss has stalled since last Friday. Up and down and currently a few pounds up. I hate this part, the part where you are doing everything you are supposed to and the weight is not coming off. I am confident it isn't as bad as all of that, I am retaining a lot of water. Hopefully next week I will have better news. In the meantime I am going to stick to the plan.

I hate to even post something that is such a downer, but I am really feeling tapped today. If you missed it, I wrote a short story that I think is worth a read, about when Nigel met Agnes. Check it out!