Life Is Indeed Beautiful!

Geoff's post last evening was a reminder to me of how challenging life can become. Of course we all have ups and downs but there are stretches that give us painful insight into the trials of Job.

I have had several stressful weeks in a row, which does not make this effort (weight loss) any easier. My weight loss has already stalled despite my best efforts. On paper, I should be losing weight, but I am not and that is disheartening.

Today I got to have some time alone with my incredibly sweet daughter. Unbeknownst to me my lovely bride had recently taught her to sing, "We Are a Happy Family."

She sang it to me, then I tried to sing with her. I was pretty sure she was singing the wrong words, but I couldn't recall the right ones. We agreed Mommy would teach us both when we picked her up. When we did, Mommy gave us the following:

I love Daddy, he loves me,
He loves mommy yessiree!
She loves us and so you see.
We are a happy family.

I started singing variations on the song:

I love Sally, she loves me.
She loves Mommy yessiree!
She loves us and so you see.
We are a happy family.

Eventually this devolved to:

I love Sally, yes I do.
I love her even when she smells like poo.
She loves me and mommy too.
We are a happy family!

The silliness continued with Sally laughing and shouting out, "Sally loves Daddy, Sally loves Daddy!" Which is what she wanted me to sing. I was laughing, Sally was giggling and Mommy had a big broad smile on her sweet face. I have to tell you, I didn't feel sorry for myself in those moments, not one little bit.

Happiness is not a gift granted unto us, but it is something we each have to seek and find for ourselves. It can be shared, and while it can be stolen, the theft destroys it for everyone.

I am happy, my daughter is happy, my family is happy, Life is indeed beautiful.

Life just keeps on going...

It was April 2011.
I was sitting in my Dietitians office.  
I had just weighed in at my lowest weight in years and was down 208lbs in 6 months.
(For those keeping score at home it was aprox. 7.34 lbs a week for 28 weeks or just over 1 pound a day... It doesn't seem like that much when you break it down does it?) 

*28 weeks earlier in October of 2010. I was the biggest I had ever been. As well as dependent on pain meds (Vicodin) to get through the day and just unhealthy in every way imaginable.

(Jump back to mid April 2011...) I'm sitting in my Doctors office at Red Mountain Weightloss clinic in Scottsdale.  I had just gotten the good news about my current weight.  Things are going great....

Then my phone rings.

I would not normally take a call during a Dr's appointment but it was from a family member and something that I can't explain told me to answer the phone.

On the other end of the phone was a voice I was all to familiar with. A voice I had heard my entire life and would've or could've recognized anywhere.  But this time the voice that I knew so well, was different. It was heavy, it was scared, it was not good news...

The voice told me that someone I loved. Whom I had known my entire life.  Was in trouble.  This person was not only family but one of my best friends.  They were not hurt or dying.  They were however, sick, and had been for a long time.  The problem is no one around this person, including myself, had an idea until it was too late.  

The voice on the other end of the phone told me that my loved one had been arrested.  That the charges were serious and I was asked if I could drop what I was doing and drive several hours away to help.

It was not a question of would I do it but how could I do it.  I had a job, wife, three kids and I was pretty heavily invested in my own battle to lose weight and regain my health.  My days were regimented and full...

But yet, it never really was a question.  
I had to go.

I got off the phone. Excused myself from the Doctor's office and called my wife as I began to head for the freeway, south out of town.

For all intents and purposes I never really ever returned back to that Doctors office or to all the things I had been doing that had helped me find so much incredible success in a relatively short amount of time.

This Blog is about whatever we want it to be about.  If I felt comfortable I would surly have no reservations about going in depth on how things played out for me and my loved one over the course of the next year.

But I'm not ready for that yet.
You see... This person is alive.
But I can't see him.  
I can't talk to him.
I can't Hug him. 
I can't thank him or tell him that I love him.

I can't share my life with him and I miss him everyday.

I hate knowing that there is nothing I can do to stop the fact that some day, anyday I will get a call and have to be told he has died.  Without me being able to do any of those things one last time.

But here is the harsh reality...
I was out of town for almost 3 weeks.
I was staying at someone else's home. 
Away from my food. My personal trainer. My routine. 
Blah Blah Blah...  

I gained back almost 20lbs in that 21 days.
I stopped getting up at 4:40am.
I stopped preparing my meals the day before.
I stopped making "getting healthy" my priority because I was scared, angry and hurt.

I never really got back on track when I returned home.
I have gained back over half of that 208lbs I lost 2.5 years ago.

And guess what... That didn't fix anything.
It didn't change the harsh realities of life.
It didn't bring anyone back.
It didn't stop my inevitable Divorce.
It didn't stop job layoffs...

Life is not going to stop being a constant struggle because you decide you need everything to be "calm" and "Still" while you concentrate on being healthy.

So I guess what I'm saying is... 
Life is going to be unpredictable and hard whether you are Fat or Skinny.

But then again what do I know?
I clearly do not have very many or really any of the answers...